MY ONLY WAY BACK WAS TO ACCEPT

Sunday, 08 January 2017

The past year of my yoga journey has brought challenge and change .  Previously I was committed to a determined “physical”yoga practice as I worked hard to become stronger and more flexible. I  measured my “progress” by my ability to perform more advanced asanas.

However that all changed quickly as long standing back problems surfaced and brought with them chronic pain.  The emotional response was intense....I was plunged into frustration, disappointment and despair about the future. The active life which I loved was now significantly limited and dictated by pain.  I went through the usual medical investigations and tried a variety of conventional and alternative treatments to little avail.  With Polly’s encouragement I continued classes and home practice although it bore little resemblance to what I had previously done.  In any position my aim was simply to feel the connection between my base and the earth and to feel the flow of the breath.

 I reached  a low  point and realised my only way back was to truly accept my situation and find a way to get around this obstacle instead of trying to beat it down.  Letting go of the fight response and understanding that the mind can influence the  pain response was the first step. Appreciating that my body has served me extremely well through 60 years of exertion and should not be expected to perform like a 30 year old, came next.  That meant accepting my limits with a new calmness and humility rather than anguish and stress.  The next step was being open to change  in all aspects of my life.   I began to let  go of my ego driven “physical” yoga practice and to find value , satisfaction and joy in a gentler more sensitive practice.  Similar changes began to occur in my daily life too as I had to be realistic in what I could physically achieve. I needed to recognize and act on the warning signs from my irritable back.

This has not been an easy process and it has taken almost a year to be able to reach this point.  Now the focus of my yoga practice is to maintain a strong and injury free back not at achieving more advanced asanas. I need to give time to recuperate. I can now see that this situation has offered me a wonderful opportunity to take a different yoga path to the one I was steadfastly taking – one that I now know will be more rewarding and sustainable.  In being more tolerant and kinder to myself I hope that ultimately, I can reflect that back to others.

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